[The Hardest Things are the Best Things]

In the 21 years that I have been around, I have learned enough to know that if something is hard, it's probably worth it. 

      I've always fondly believed that anything that is difficult to get to or be apart of, may end up being something really great. The trouble there is that it's not normal. It's not normal to think this way, or is it? Usually people back down from difficult     things, I've seen it all my life. People don't want the trouble, they assume things that are meant to be are easy and simple. From my perspective, I was never for a second led to believe the best things in life are easy. Relationships are hard for me and the fact that I care to much is hard for me. Somehow, no matter what I am apart of there is some struggle morally or mentally that I have to face to be able to get through it. I don't know why this is, nor do I care to ask God for a reason. I understand my lot in life was not meant to be easy. It took years of struggle to see that and really understand that I need to get through the "hard" things, to get to the beautiful moments in life. 

     People have always come and gone out of my life. I've had about 10 best friends from my birth until now. People don't last for reasons. The person who is my best friend now, will be one for my entire life. There is a time in life, after all struggles that you realize you made it through so you can have that joy that is above all other joys you can feel. If you can persist... all great things in life will be yours.

      My adventure has currently started as a teacher in our societies public education system, where I get paid $20,000 less than the average person with a bachelors degree and I even have a dual bachelors degree with a specialization in Mental Retardation. I work in 3 different classrooms across my school campus. I get to work before 7 am every morning to make sure my day is planned and ready. I write IEP's on at lunch, my prep and on weekends. I plan meetings around my parents and general education teachers all the time, not minding my own. It is too much for one person to handle. This hardship did not just start out when I began teaching this current school year. It began day one of my full year of student teaching. I won't go into much detail, but I cried for weeks. Many different things made me doubt myself that year. By the end, I loved being a special education teacher so I decided that's what I would do. Even though I got hired before I graduated in the district I student taught in, it was not the school I ended up wanting. I had to fight, and work hard to get the position I wanted. I needed to be MR certified, so I did it. I took a $1500 class and went through 4 months of processes to achieve my goal to work with my mentor. I got it. 

      With one goal achieved, comes another struggle to survive in an environment that is challenging. One of the most difficult beginnings to a school year that they have had at my school and many new things going into place. I am drowning. The doubt crept in again, making me wonder if I can do this. Somehow, through it all I keep thinking it'll get better by the end of the year. People keep telling me it won't, but if I am meant to do this, then something has to give. I've never been so challenged in my life. Mentally, physically and emotionally I am struggling. It's enough to make a person give up. 

Is it true, the hardest things are the best things ????