Some nights...

Some Nights...

Some nights I still wonder what I should be, who I should be. I went to college and finished, but still have no idea where my life will take me. I just don't understand sometimes. Life will always be unpredictable, but this unpredictable? WHOA. Slap in the face. Who should I be? All I know is I need to help people. If I am where I am supposed to be, then why doesn't it feel completely right. I was accepted into school for social work and for whatever reason changed it to special education. Now I am here, not quite sure what the next move is. Our society undermines teachers to such an extreme extent. I learn new things every day from these children, they are changing me and teaching me to love more freely. I genuinely care. It's a confusing career, you give everything you have every day, to be under appreciated by the uppers and by children much of the time... but the satisfaction of the growth your students have is incredible. More than the academics, it's the changes you see in them, when they realize you care about them and love them. They start to create a better attitude and self perception just because of you. How can you withstand uppers being so demanding, and not so understanding for such a long time. It's too hard to decide... so not tonight.

Always late!

I used to always be late, some times I am not but most of the time... I AM. I figured out why after reading an article titled "Are you Always Late? New Study Explains Why", Posted by Taylor Gordon.

The next group has been coined the producers – but we’re going to call them the flexers. That’s right. In case you aren’t familiar with the term a person who “flexes” likes to show off or exaggerate things which can often cause them to lie to themselves. In this case, they are lying to themselves about how much they can cram into one day because in their minds there isn’t a to do list too long for them to handle.

DeLonzor explains that the producers a.k.a flexers try to get as much done in as little time as possible but often underestimate how much time the task will ultimately take them.

So what happens is: you wake up at 9 a.m knowing you have to be somewhere at noon. You decide that you’d rather go ahead and clean the house now to get it out the way and assume you’ll be finished in about 20 minutes. Flex #1. Then you tell yourself that it will only take five minutes to curl your hair. Flex #2. Of course you have to do your makeup and since you swear to yourself that you don’t wear that much make up you guess it will only take a minute or two. Oooowe look at those muscles!

So if this is you, the best thing to do is to just be honest with yourself and realize that perhaps you can’t do as much in one day as you thought you could and allow yourself more time to complete tasks efficiently… and be on time.

 After not going to church for several years, I decided I missed it and that I needed it in my life. I got the missionaries to come over, but not before running it by John. I asked him if he would learn some more about the religion I grew up with and still wanted in my life. That’s where this all begin.

Watching John, ask questions and get to know the church more and more was inspiring. He showed a small ounce of faith, a want to know more about Jesus Christ. Alma talked to his people about the principle of faith and likened it unto a tree seed, which, after being planted, needed care and cultivation. The desire for fruit caused the seed to be planted, and the planter had faith that it would sprout and grow. Alma continues to describe this seed of faith:

“As the tree beginneth to grow, ye will say: Let us nourish it with great care, that it may get root, that it may grow up, and bring forth fruit unto us. And now behold, if ye nourish it with much care it will get root, and grow up, and bring forth fruit.”

The first step is faith, not just faith in general, but a specific faith—faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. To know whether or not Jesus Christ is a reality, or if it is true that he is the Son of God and came to earth to proclaim his gospel, give his life, and accomplish the resurrection that all men may live again, there must arise within one’s soul a genuine desire to gain a knowledge of the truth. When such a desire becomes strong enough, we are persuaded to examine the evidence. This is exactly what John did. Once he desired to examine the evidence and search further into the teachings of Jesus Christ, he did so.

A step further than the research and questioning, this journey comes to the point where the faith must be acted upon or the seed must be nourished. You must ask for divine revelation through honest prayer to know that this faith you acted on and the research you have seen is true. Other then that there is no way to know that these teachings of Jesus Christ are true. Here is one of my favorite scriptures found in Mathew 7:7-8:

“For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.” This is a promise to us, that if we pray in sincerity to know, we will get an answer.

John sought the truth, he received answers to his prayers and saw the blessings in his life. Now we are here, to support John in baptism. Baptism is an ordinance required of us to return to our heavenly father.

Gordon B. Hinckley, our late prophet once said, “Growing up, trusting my decisions, and receiving consequences was not easy. But such joy has entered my life because I made the right decision. That moment of peace at my baptism has guided my life. Every big decision I make must have that peace, or I cannot live with it. I believe that if we choose what is right, we can get through anything.”

Baptism is a sign to God, to angels, and to heaven that we do the will of God, and there is no other way beneath the heavens whereby God hath ordained for man to come to Him to be saved, and enter into the kingdom of God, except faith in Jesus Christ, repentance, and baptism for the remission of sins, then you have the promise of the gift of the Holy Ghost. You will be cleaned of all sins today and can continue with this blessing from God by partaking of the sacrament every week on Sunday and praying for repentance.

After testing faith, reading passages from the scriptures and praying for the truth, John’s heart was prepared for this day.

Gordon B. Hinckley said…

“A seed of faith comes into their hearts. It enlarges as they learn. And they accept principle upon principle, until they have every one of the marvelous blessings that come to those who walk with faith in this, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

It is faith that is the converter. It is faith that is the teacher. Thus it has been from the beginning.”

POEM ON BAPTISM

“Me, my Lord, baptize Thee?

Why comest Thou to me?”

And John the Baptist bowed his head

In deep humility.

But Jesus said with a gentle smile,

“Let your heart be still.

Suffer it to be so now,

All righteousness fulfill.”

So down the Jordan’s shallow bank

Christ went with humble grace.

Into the stream John lowered Him

With wonder on his face.

When from the water Jesus came,

The heavens opened above.

God’s holy Spirit came to earth,

A gift of His great love.

And now, your turn has come,

You have been baptized too.

The Light of Christ is in your face

For all the world to view.

BAPTiSM.

John baptizing Jesus

“Me, my Lord, baptize Thee?

Why comest Thou to me?”

And John the Baptist bowed his head

In deep humility.

But Jesus said with a gentle smile,

“Let your heart be still.

Suffer it to be so now,

All righteousness fulfill.”

So down the Jordan’s shallow bank

Christ went with humble grace.

Into the stream John lowered Him

With wonder on his face.

When from the water Jesus came,

The heavens opened above.

God’s holy Spirit came to earth,

A gift of His great love.

And now, my child, your turn has come,

You have been baptized too.

The Light of Christ is in your face

For all the world to view.

CONVERTS.

CONVERTS.

So my mother, who I love so much and my father who is the best dad, did not follow their parents footsteps. A friend introduced them to the church when I was young. I, as a 5-7 year old child, really liked when we started going to church every sunday. Eventually, my mother got baptized. Baptized, a word sounding so loud when it is said. She committed her life to the Lord through baptism, John3:5- Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God. Altogether life was better. There were less struggles and fights in my family. Still my father did not commit, whether that was to blame on the lack of support from his parents or not, I do not know. Would the family shun him and really not like that he would be converted from their known religion? It was a scary thing, as a child I was sad. I was sad that my dad did not go to church with the family every single week. Yet, my mother took us and supported us in going to church when it was so crucial for every child to learn morals. I knew from a young age that church was not somewhere I was forced to go, but a place where I was at peace. Where I could take the sacrament, the bread and water, and renew my baptismal covenants. I still wanted my father there every single week. His heart was changed and he was also baptized. He believed just like my mother. Both, who had lived their lives just fine for many years before they introduced to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. In life we all are sent here by the Lord to make our own choices. People get distracted by worldly things, exactly like Satan/Lucifer wants. His minions need a body and will do anything to destroy yours. They were not blessed to have one because they chose to rebel against God. They too then make us rebel and keep pushing us to think little things are okay. We get led away for a short time, but God, our shepherd will always find his lost ones. One soul lost, is not acceptable. When I was 18, I got lost. I got lost in the way the church works. I knew I didn't want to go to singles ward. I was a very social child who just couldn't go there and find a committed relationship and get married so young. So I chose not to. I decided I would find my own way for  a while. Satan tried to keep me away from the truth as long as he could. Until my strong willed, old spirit, came back to the longing to be in church. To be where I had always belonged. Not because my parents belong there, but because I genuinely have been through enough struggles and explorations in one life to know where I belonged. I found again, what I knew was true. God loves the person who was born into a spiritual covenant of marriage as much as he loves his lost sheep who found it's way back to the truth. My parents taught along with my religion made me the great person I am today. Without those morals I would be lost, without being allowed to explore I would never have been found again. I chose my path in life, just like my parents did. I never will believe or follow the footsteps of any other person on the Earth. I will always be my stubborn old self and do what I want to do. All I know is that being an LDS family is the only way we coulda made it through all those hard times. My joy is even happier today, as I have found the truth for myself, re-found it I should say. No one in their days will ever be able to prove another religion wrong, nor is religion here for that purpose. Live and let live. For you cannot demand another to live in the way you know, if you cannot commit yourself. You sure can choose your own path. If I get lost again, the Lord will not fail to find ways to get to me or any other of his children. 

In life, all judgements upon others are invalid

Judgment; a disease carried on through out the generations of a family. Well maybe not always but there is a trend when it comes to very judgmental people. Anyone who does not follow their "religion" exactly is a hypocrite. You live with your boyfriend, wrong. You commit adultery, wrong. You drink, hypocrite You don't keep the sabbath day holy, wrong. Don't follow the commandments, hypocrite. Don't pray every day, hypocrite. The definition of the word hypocrite is, a person who claims or pretends to have certain beliefs about what is right but who behaves in a way that disagrees with those beliefs. Are you God? No? 

Okay, take a second to read the books you believe in, no man has the right to judge but God. Who are you to judge a life, for no life is better or worse than yours. For the story of the woman who has brought in front of Jesus to be punished for committing adultery was not stoned.But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.”Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”

“No one, sir,” she said.

“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

Take what you want, steal my pride, build me up or cut me down to size.

In the past month or so I have been on quite the ride of being introduced to real world life. I get paid nothing to do a whole lot of work. When I tell people I'm a teacher, I either get 'I'm sorry' or I get "you must be patient'. While this is true, Sometimes I'm not feeling so patient. Don't be sorry for me. Just understand that teachers work their butt off and have no immediate satisfaction. The satisfaction doesn't come until later down the road. This is when you see who your students have become because of you. Will I make it, will I be apart of these students books of life. I don't know, but I will try to make an impact, I will care and be patient. All difficult things will only make us better. I will just be what I need to be for these children. I can do this.